Real Ghost Story

LOUISIANA GHOST STORY
 This happened about a month ago just outside
of Cocodrie, a little town in the bayou country
of Louisiana , and while it sounds like an Alfred
Hitchcock tale, it's real.

 This out of state traveler was on the side of
the road, hitchhiking on a real dark night
in the middle of a thunderstorm. Time passed slowly and
no cars went by.

 It was raining so hard he could hardly see his hand in
front of his face.
Suddenly he saw a car moving slowly, approaching and
appearing
 ghostlike in the rain It slowly and silently
crept toward him and stopped.

 Wanting a ride real bad the guy jumped in the car and
closed the
 door; only then did he realize that there was
nobody behind the wheel,
 and no sound of an engine to be heard over the rain.
 Again the car crept slowly forward and the guy was
terrified, too scared
 to think of jumping out and running.

 The guy saw that the car was approaching a sharp curve
and,
still too scared to jump out, he started to pray
and begging for his life; he was sure
the ghost car would go off the road and in the bayou and
he would surely drown!
 But just before the curve a shadowy figure appeared at
the driver's window and a hand reached
 in and turned the steering wheel, guiding the car safely
around the
 bend. Then, just as silently, the hand disappeared
through the window and the hitchhiker was alone again!

 Paralyzed with fear, the guy watched the hand reappear
every time they reached a curve.
Finally the guy, scared to near death, had all he could
take and jumped out of the car and ran to town.

 Wet and in shock, he went into a bar and voice
quavering, ordered two shots of whiskey,
then told everybody about his supernatural experience.

 A silence enveloped and everybody got goose bumps when
they realized the guy was
telling the truth (and not just some drunk).

 About half an hour later two guys walked into the bar and
one says to the other,

 "Look Boudreaux, ders dat idiot that rode in our car
when we wuz pushin it in the rain."

You May Be a Taliban If...

1. You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to beer.

2. You own a $3,000 machine gun and $5,000 rocket launcher, but you can't afford shoes.

3. You have more wives than teeth.

4. You wipe your butt with your bare left hand, but consider bacon "unclean."

5. You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide.

6. You can't think of anyone you HAVEN'T declared Jihad against.

7. You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry explosives in your clothing.

8. You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs.

9. You've often uttered the phrase, "I love what you've done with your cave."

10. You have nothing against women and think every man should own at least one.

21 Hints for a Happy Life

1. Marry the right person . This one decision will determine 90% of your happiness or misery.

2. Work at something you enjoy and that's worthy of your time and talent.

3. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.

4. Become the most positive and enthusiastic person you know.

5. Be forgiving of yourself and others.

6. Be generous.

7. Have a grateful heart.

8. Persistence , persistence, persistence. 

9. Discipline yourself to save money on even the most modest salary. 

10. Treat everyone you meet like you want to be treated. 

11. Commit yourself to constant improvement. 

12. Commit yourself to quality. 

13. Understand that happiness is not based on possessions , power or prestige , but on relationship with people you love and respect. 

14. Be loyal. 

15. Be honest . 

16. Be a self-starter. 

17. Be decisive even it it means you'll sometimes be wrong. 

18. Stop blaming others. Take responsibility for every area of your life. 

19. Be bold and courageous. When you look back on your life, you'll regret the things you didn't do more than the ones you did. 

20. Take good care of those you love.

21. Don't do anything that wouldn't make your Mom proud.

How to please your IT Department

1. When you call us to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it
 buried under half a ton of postcards, baby pictures, stuffed animals,
 dried flowers, bowling trophies and children's art. We don't have a
 life, and we find it deeply moving to catch a fleeting glimpse of yours.

2. Don't write anything down. Ever. We can play back the error
 messages from here.

3. When an I.T. person says he's coming right over, go for coffee.
 That way you won't be there when we need your password. It's nothing for
us
 to remember 700 screen saver passwords.

4. When you call the help desk, state what you want, not what's
 keeping you from getting it. We don't need to know that you can't get
into
 your mail because your computer won't power on at all.

5. When I.T. support sends you an E-Mail with high importance, delete
 it at once. We're just testing.

6. When an I.T. person is eating lunch at his desk, walk right in and
 spill your guts right out. We exist only to serve.

7. Send urgent email all in uppercase. The mail server picks it up and
 flags it as a rush delivery.

8. When the photocopier doesn't work, call computer support. There's
 electronics in it.

9. When you're getting a NO DIAL TONE message at home, call computer
 support. We can fix your telephone line from here.

10. When you have a dozen old computer screens to get rid of, call
  computer support. We're collectors.

11. When something's wrong with your home PC, dump it on an I.T.
  person's chair with no name, no phone number and no description of the
  problem. We love a puzzle.

12. When an I.T. person tells you that computer screens don't have
  cartridges in them, argue. We love a good argument.

13. When an I.T. person tells you that he'll be there shortly, reply
  in a scathing tone of voice: "And just how many weeks do you mean by
  shortly?". That motivates us.

14. When the printer won't print, re-send the job at least 20 times.
  Print jobs frequently get sucked into black holes.

15. When the printer still won't print after 20 tries, send the job to
  all 68 printers in the company. One of them is bound to work.

16. Don't learn the proper name for anything technical. We know
  exactly what you mean by "My thingy blew up".

17. Don't use on-line help. On-line help is for wimps.

18. If the mouse cable keeps knocking down the framed picture of your
  dog, lift the computer and stuff the cable under it. Mouse cables were
  designed to have 20kg of computer sitting on top of them.

19. If the space bar on your keyboard doesn't work, blame it on the
  mail upgrade. Keyboards are actually very happy with half a pound of
muffin
  crumbs and nail clippings in them.

20. When you get a message saying "Are you sure?" click on that "Yes"
  button as fast as you can. Hell, if you weren't sure, you wouldn't be
  doing it, would you?

21. When you find an I.T. person on the phone with his bank, sit
  uninvited on the corner of his desk and stare at him until he hangs
  up. We don't have any money to speak of anyway.

22. Feel perfectly free to say things like "I don't know nothing about
  that computer crap". We don't mind at all hearing our area of
  professional expertise referred to as crap.

23. When you need to change the toner cartridge in a printer, call
  I.T. support. Changing a toner cartridge is an extremely complex task,
and
  Hewlett-Packard recommends that it be performed only by a professional
  engineer with a master's degree in nuclear physics.

24. When something's the matter with your computer, ask your secretary
  to call the help desk. We enjoy the challenge of having to deal with a
  third party who doesn't know anything about the problem.

25. When you receive a 50mb (huge) movie file, send it to everyone as
  a mail attachment. We've got lots of disk space on that mail server.

26. Don't even think of breaking large print jobs down into smaller
  chunks. Somebody else might get a chance to squeeze a memo into the
  queue.

27. When you lose your car keys, send an email to the entire company.
  People out in Pofadder like to keep abreast of what's going on.

28. When you bump into an I.T. person at the grocery store on a
  Saturday, ask a computer question. We do weekends.

29. Don't bother to tell us when you move computers around on your
  own. Computer names are just a cosmetic feature.

30. When you bring your own personal home PC for repair at the office,
  leave the documentation at home. We'll find all the settings and
  drivers somewhere.

31. Keep it crashing!

Great Ideas to entertain men

I've done a few of these. It made the trips worthwhile, to me. Okay,
okay. I just did number 13.
The other's I haven't tried will be soon.
I would appreciate other activities you all might think of to keep me
entertained (and not arrested).

This is why women should not take men shopping against their will.

 After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to
 Wal-Mart. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and
 preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunately, my wife is like most
 women - - she loved to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following
 letter from the local Wal-Mart.

 Dear Mrs. Samsel,
 Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in
 our store.We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both
 of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Samsel are listed below
 and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

 1.June 15:
 Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they
 weren't looking.

 2. July 2:
 Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

 3. July 7:
 Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

 4. July 19:
 Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in
 Housewares. Get on it right away.'

 5. August 4:
 Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.

 6. August 14:
 Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

 7. August 15:
 Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite
 them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding
 department.

 8. August 23:
 When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why
 can't you people just leave me alone?'

 9. September 4:
 Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he
 picked his nose.

 10. September 10:
 While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the
 antidepressants were.

 11. October 3:My Favorite
 Darted around the store, suspiciously, while loudly humming theMission
 Impossible' theme ..

 12. October 6:
 In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different
 sizes of funnels.

 13. October 18:
 Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME!

 14. October 21:
 When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position
 and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

 And last, but not least...

 15. October 23:
 Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, and then yelled very
 loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!'

PS: I received this on a mailing list I am subscribed to. I don't know who wrote it originally but is extremely funny and it would be a loss not to share 

Being Intelligently Selfish - The key to total success

Being Intelligently Selfish - The key to total success

According to Wikipedia Selfishness denotes the precedence given in thought or deed to the self, i.e., self interest or self concern. It is the act of placing one's own needs or desires above the needs or desires of others. Selfishness is the opposite of altruism (Selflessness).

We, as human beings have needs, lots of them, and so have our peers. If we take an outer look at what is near us, at all the people, and all the actions those people take, we can elaborate some interesting conclusions. All of us have a degree of selfishness within us. This quantity of selfishness determines our level of success in life. 

If all the time we think only to ourselves, and none of the time to the people close to us, we will sooner or later wake up being all alone -- this is something that is rarely a real wish.

If, instead, we think at ourselves, but looking at us through the eyes of the persons we have contacts with, we get to see things in a very different manner:

    - if your wife/husband/girl/boyfriend is happy, she/he makes you happy -- very happy -- so make them feel you are there for them, whatever you do, do it for them, and they will do whatever it takes to keep you and make you happy.

    - if your boss is happy, if your company is happy, you will definitely be happy, because they will not want to lose the person who makes them happy

    - if your co-workers are happy, they will try to do their best keep YOU - you will get to be happy

    - if you make a stranger you meet by chance happy, he will try to stay in contact with you for as long as its possible, you will start to build successful relationships wherever you go and with whoever you meet.

If you make the universe happy, the universe will make you happy back. Do whatever it takes to make everybody around you happy. A free compliment, a good sweet word said by heart, a kind smile - everything counts for the better. Be "selfish" - make the ones around you happy and you will be more happy then ever. You deserve it, they deserve it.

Maximum efficiency

Proposal to maximize the efficiency of software development process (by Tudor Constantin)

Summary

1. Goals/targets of the paper

2. Motivational patterns

3. Current motivational environment

4. The new system

5. Features and benefits

6. Conclusion

1. Goals/targets of the paper

• Proposing a new and better work system for software development industry

• Increasing the overall satisfaction of all the actors in the software development industry:

  • The customers gain:

    • Faster delivered software products

    • Better products

    • Lower costs for the same product

  • The software company will have:

    • An objective way to evaluate and reward workers

    • A more competitive and meritocratic work environment

    • More enthusiast, motivated workers

    • Higher work efficiency

    • More satisfied customers

  • The employees:

    • The possibility to advance on the fast track

    • The possibility to earn more money

    • A higher sense of involvement and importance

    • The possibility to do what they like and know best
      

2. Motivational patterns
   There are two ways people get motivated: 'away from' and 'toward to.' Both have advantages, and each person tends to use one style preferentially.
   Away from people look at their problems, try to find solutions, and thus move “away from” the problem. Toward people dream up their ideal goals and then find ways to move towards them.

Away from people:

• Tend to concentrate on problems and do anything to avoid them

• The bigger the problem, the more motivated is the person

• Their motivation decreases when the problem disappears, gets solved

Toward to people:

• They set goals and based on the reward of the goal they do whatever is necessary to achieve it

• They tend to consider each goal a challenge

• The bigger the rewards (based on their own system of values) , the more challenging the goal gets, so the bigger the driving force toward achieving it becomes

Common people are affected by both ways of motivation.

All of the above patterns comes into action for satisfying individual needs.

Abraham Maslow synthesized and categorized the human needs in a pyramid called Maslow's hierarchy of needs (see the image below).

On short, the first 4 levels of the pyramid are called deficiency needs or basic needs and the needs from the last level are called growth needs. When a basic need (like security of employment, of health, of body, friendships, etc) is satisfied, it is no longer a motivational factor in one’s life. Instead, growth needs like self-actualization, although they become active when the rest of the basic levels are satisfied, they are enduring motivations or drivers of behavior.

3. Current motivational environment

The companies which we talk about now thrives to offer to their employees a work environment in which the employee feels protected. They offer employment stability, there are people working in the company since 10-20 or more years ago, they rarely if ever decrease salaries, instead, they periodically increase salaries and there are extremely rare examples of people being fired. All these factors are aimed to make the employee feel safe and protected. On one hand this is a good thing, because the employee will rarely take the risk and go out to seek a new, better workplace. On the other side, the employee will be always satisfied with his workplace, he will rarely tend to improve himself, his quality of work and productivity will remain the same over the entire course of his employance. Even if an employee starts with high levels of motivation, in a longer or shorter period of time he tends to invest less and less effort in his work. If the company is satisfied with his peers low level of work, the company will be satisfied with his low level of work also. There are extreme rare examples of companies whom are able to virtually unlimitedly increase their employees wages in order to keep them ever motivated. This is the case in most of the state workers and state working environment.

4. The New system

The new performance measurement system

• The new performance measurement system is based on a credit evaluation of work

• Each complete task brings to its crafter a number of credits.

• At the end of the month, each programmer will have gained a specific amount of credits

• We define 100 credits as the amount of work to be done in one working week (40 hours of normal work) by one medium software developer. So, an average programmer is able to gain 100 credits per week.

• A developer is able to gain credits by finishing on time his assigned tasks, or by offering consultancy to other colleagues and agreeing with them to the amount of credits he will receive from their task credits.

• A developer will lose credits based on the following system:

  • If he/she does not finish the task, or terminates it in more than 4 times the original amount of time originally settled

  • If he/she finishes the task on time will earn the whole amount of credits, if the programmer exceeds the original time, the amount of credits earned decreases proportionally to the increasing of the overtime. So for example if a programmer has to do something in one week for 100 credits, he will get only 50 credits after 2½ weeks of work. After 4 weeks of work, he gets nothing.

  • If he/she requests consultancy, the consultant will be able to requests a number of credits for his precious advice.

The new performance based rewarding system

• Instead of raising the wages based on a timely fashion (there is a raise at every 3, 6 or 12 months), we create a premium fund -- this will grow at the same rate as the previous, periodically, permanent raises.

• So for example, if we have a team of 10 people, instead of increasing the budget for that team by let’s say 600 EUR by giving them permanent increased wages, we create a monthly premium fund of 600 EUR. Each member of the team will be able to earn a part of that premium fund, based on the number of credits they earned in the current month.

• Each month, there will be a top of the workers for each team, based on the credits they earned during this period of time. Based on this:

  • the top 20% performers will get 50% of the premium fund (in our beautiful real world 20% of the people of the planet owns 80% of all the money in the world, so a 20-50 rule is rather socialist than capitalist)

  • next 40% performers get 40%,

  • the next 20% get 10% of the premium

  • the last 20% gets nothing – they will have to try harder next month.

Tasks assignment process

• Due to the fact that each developer normally wants to make the easy, pleasant, and highest rewarded work, we must set an objective way of assigning tasks

• The task assignment process is based on a bidding system:

• There are a number of tasks that has to be done in a period of time.

• Let’s say for example that 5 tasks of different importance levels and different difficulty have to be done in 1 week and we have a team of 3 different people. These 3 people also have different levels of professional skills.

  • The amount of time that the tasks has to be done, sets the amount of credits a developer is able to bid for that bucket of tasks (in our case, each programmer can bid totally 100 credits for all 5 tasks)

• The team leader/project manager will assign each task based on several factors:

  • The number of credits a developer bided for that task

  • The importance of the task (how important it is to be done strictly on time, bug free, etc ), correlated with the experience and professional reliability of the lowest bidders

The expected logical workflow

• The programmers will bid high on tasks they don’t want to do and low on tasks they want to do. A developer wants to do a task if he can do the task by himself, if the task is rewarding enough and if he enjoys the process of doing it.

• Gifted developers will tend to bid low on challenging tasks and of high complexity and will bid high on monotone, boring tasks

• Less gifted developers will tend to bid low on monotone tasks and high on hard to do tasks.

• Although, the team leader decides who what does.

5. Features and benefits

• The company will have a very dynamic and objective way of evaluating and reward their personnel

• The programmers will have the possibility to choose what they like and can do, so they will be more enthusiast

• The employees will be able to determine how much they earn each month – this means more enthusiasm

5. Conclusion

Now, a programmer can come with a high amount of excuses regarding why he did not finish his tasks on time. From having a bad day/week/month, personal problems, the need to be creative and the fact that you cannot impose targets on creativity , to the lack of experience, or of proper training, these are all common excuses met, not only in the software developing industry but in all kind of production environments. Of course, some excuses are well founded, but most of the obstacles can be easily overcome if the person really wants to. This paper wants to be an blueprint of how to make the people want to overcome the obstacles, and if they successfully do it, they get rewarded for it. It’s a win-win system.

This is not by far a complete document. Here I proposed a system for evaluating only the software developers. There are still team leaders, testers, system designers, architects, managers who’s activities might be well improved and has to be integrated with this working system. Anyway, the hard part is covered, the software developing process can be quantified, the developer can be stimulated to work, to be creative, to learn and improve as fast as he can.

Comments, thoughts, critics and feedback are all appreciated and really welcomed.

Thank you for reading this and keep close, because there is more to come.