21 Hints for a Happy Life

1. Marry the right person . This one decision will determine 90% of your happiness or misery.

2. Work at something you enjoy and that's worthy of your time and talent.

3. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.

4. Become the most positive and enthusiastic person you know.

5. Be forgiving of yourself and others.

6. Be generous.

7. Have a grateful heart.

8. Persistence , persistence, persistence. 

9. Discipline yourself to save money on even the most modest salary. 

10. Treat everyone you meet like you want to be treated. 

11. Commit yourself to constant improvement. 

12. Commit yourself to quality. 

13. Understand that happiness is not based on possessions , power or prestige , but on relationship with people you love and respect. 

14. Be loyal. 

15. Be honest . 

16. Be a self-starter. 

17. Be decisive even it it means you'll sometimes be wrong. 

18. Stop blaming others. Take responsibility for every area of your life. 

19. Be bold and courageous. When you look back on your life, you'll regret the things you didn't do more than the ones you did. 

20. Take good care of those you love.

21. Don't do anything that wouldn't make your Mom proud.

How to please your IT Department

1. When you call us to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it
 buried under half a ton of postcards, baby pictures, stuffed animals,
 dried flowers, bowling trophies and children's art. We don't have a
 life, and we find it deeply moving to catch a fleeting glimpse of yours.

2. Don't write anything down. Ever. We can play back the error
 messages from here.

3. When an I.T. person says he's coming right over, go for coffee.
 That way you won't be there when we need your password. It's nothing for
us
 to remember 700 screen saver passwords.

4. When you call the help desk, state what you want, not what's
 keeping you from getting it. We don't need to know that you can't get
into
 your mail because your computer won't power on at all.

5. When I.T. support sends you an E-Mail with high importance, delete
 it at once. We're just testing.

6. When an I.T. person is eating lunch at his desk, walk right in and
 spill your guts right out. We exist only to serve.

7. Send urgent email all in uppercase. The mail server picks it up and
 flags it as a rush delivery.

8. When the photocopier doesn't work, call computer support. There's
 electronics in it.

9. When you're getting a NO DIAL TONE message at home, call computer
 support. We can fix your telephone line from here.

10. When you have a dozen old computer screens to get rid of, call
  computer support. We're collectors.

11. When something's wrong with your home PC, dump it on an I.T.
  person's chair with no name, no phone number and no description of the
  problem. We love a puzzle.

12. When an I.T. person tells you that computer screens don't have
  cartridges in them, argue. We love a good argument.

13. When an I.T. person tells you that he'll be there shortly, reply
  in a scathing tone of voice: "And just how many weeks do you mean by
  shortly?". That motivates us.

14. When the printer won't print, re-send the job at least 20 times.
  Print jobs frequently get sucked into black holes.

15. When the printer still won't print after 20 tries, send the job to
  all 68 printers in the company. One of them is bound to work.

16. Don't learn the proper name for anything technical. We know
  exactly what you mean by "My thingy blew up".

17. Don't use on-line help. On-line help is for wimps.

18. If the mouse cable keeps knocking down the framed picture of your
  dog, lift the computer and stuff the cable under it. Mouse cables were
  designed to have 20kg of computer sitting on top of them.

19. If the space bar on your keyboard doesn't work, blame it on the
  mail upgrade. Keyboards are actually very happy with half a pound of
muffin
  crumbs and nail clippings in them.

20. When you get a message saying "Are you sure?" click on that "Yes"
  button as fast as you can. Hell, if you weren't sure, you wouldn't be
  doing it, would you?

21. When you find an I.T. person on the phone with his bank, sit
  uninvited on the corner of his desk and stare at him until he hangs
  up. We don't have any money to speak of anyway.

22. Feel perfectly free to say things like "I don't know nothing about
  that computer crap". We don't mind at all hearing our area of
  professional expertise referred to as crap.

23. When you need to change the toner cartridge in a printer, call
  I.T. support. Changing a toner cartridge is an extremely complex task,
and
  Hewlett-Packard recommends that it be performed only by a professional
  engineer with a master's degree in nuclear physics.

24. When something's the matter with your computer, ask your secretary
  to call the help desk. We enjoy the challenge of having to deal with a
  third party who doesn't know anything about the problem.

25. When you receive a 50mb (huge) movie file, send it to everyone as
  a mail attachment. We've got lots of disk space on that mail server.

26. Don't even think of breaking large print jobs down into smaller
  chunks. Somebody else might get a chance to squeeze a memo into the
  queue.

27. When you lose your car keys, send an email to the entire company.
  People out in Pofadder like to keep abreast of what's going on.

28. When you bump into an I.T. person at the grocery store on a
  Saturday, ask a computer question. We do weekends.

29. Don't bother to tell us when you move computers around on your
  own. Computer names are just a cosmetic feature.

30. When you bring your own personal home PC for repair at the office,
  leave the documentation at home. We'll find all the settings and
  drivers somewhere.

31. Keep it crashing!

Great Ideas to entertain men

I've done a few of these. It made the trips worthwhile, to me. Okay,
okay. I just did number 13.
The other's I haven't tried will be soon.
I would appreciate other activities you all might think of to keep me
entertained (and not arrested).

This is why women should not take men shopping against their will.

 After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to
 Wal-Mart. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and
 preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunately, my wife is like most
 women - - she loved to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following
 letter from the local Wal-Mart.

 Dear Mrs. Samsel,
 Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in
 our store.We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both
 of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Samsel are listed below
 and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

 1.June 15:
 Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they
 weren't looking.

 2. July 2:
 Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

 3. July 7:
 Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

 4. July 19:
 Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in
 Housewares. Get on it right away.'

 5. August 4:
 Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.

 6. August 14:
 Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

 7. August 15:
 Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite
 them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding
 department.

 8. August 23:
 When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why
 can't you people just leave me alone?'

 9. September 4:
 Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he
 picked his nose.

 10. September 10:
 While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the
 antidepressants were.

 11. October 3:My Favorite
 Darted around the store, suspiciously, while loudly humming theMission
 Impossible' theme ..

 12. October 6:
 In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different
 sizes of funnels.

 13. October 18:
 Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME!

 14. October 21:
 When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position
 and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

 And last, but not least...

 15. October 23:
 Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, and then yelled very
 loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!'

PS: I received this on a mailing list I am subscribed to. I don't know who wrote it originally but is extremely funny and it would be a loss not to share 

Being Intelligently Selfish - The key to total success

Being Intelligently Selfish - The key to total success

According to Wikipedia Selfishness denotes the precedence given in thought or deed to the self, i.e., self interest or self concern. It is the act of placing one's own needs or desires above the needs or desires of others. Selfishness is the opposite of altruism (Selflessness).

We, as human beings have needs, lots of them, and so have our peers. If we take an outer look at what is near us, at all the people, and all the actions those people take, we can elaborate some interesting conclusions. All of us have a degree of selfishness within us. This quantity of selfishness determines our level of success in life. 

If all the time we think only to ourselves, and none of the time to the people close to us, we will sooner or later wake up being all alone -- this is something that is rarely a real wish.

If, instead, we think at ourselves, but looking at us through the eyes of the persons we have contacts with, we get to see things in a very different manner:

    - if your wife/husband/girl/boyfriend is happy, she/he makes you happy -- very happy -- so make them feel you are there for them, whatever you do, do it for them, and they will do whatever it takes to keep you and make you happy.

    - if your boss is happy, if your company is happy, you will definitely be happy, because they will not want to lose the person who makes them happy

    - if your co-workers are happy, they will try to do their best keep YOU - you will get to be happy

    - if you make a stranger you meet by chance happy, he will try to stay in contact with you for as long as its possible, you will start to build successful relationships wherever you go and with whoever you meet.

If you make the universe happy, the universe will make you happy back. Do whatever it takes to make everybody around you happy. A free compliment, a good sweet word said by heart, a kind smile - everything counts for the better. Be "selfish" - make the ones around you happy and you will be more happy then ever. You deserve it, they deserve it.