Monday, December 22, 2008

Great Ideas to entertain men

I've done a few of these. It made the trips worthwhile, to me. Okay,
okay. I just did number 13.
The other's I haven't tried will be soon.
I would appreciate other activities you all might think of to keep me
entertained (and not arrested).

This is why women should not take men shopping against their will.

 After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to
 Wal-Mart. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and
 preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunately, my wife is like most
 women - - she loved to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following
 letter from the local Wal-Mart.

 Dear Mrs. Samsel,
 Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in
 our store.We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both
 of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Samsel are listed below
 and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

 1.June 15:
 Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they
 weren't looking.

 2. July 2:
 Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

 3. July 7:
 Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

 4. July 19:
 Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in
 Housewares. Get on it right away.'

 5. August 4:
 Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.

 6. August 14:
 Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

 7. August 15:
 Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite
 them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding

 8. August 23:
 When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why
 can't you people just leave me alone?'

 9. September 4:
 Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he
 picked his nose.

 10. September 10:
 While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the
 antidepressants were.

 11. October 3:My Favorite
 Darted around the store, suspiciously, while loudly humming theMission
 Impossible' theme ..

 12. October 6:
 In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different
 sizes of funnels.

 13. October 18:
 Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME!

 14. October 21:
 When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position
 and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

 And last, but not least...

 15. October 23:
 Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, and then yelled very
 loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!'

PS: I received this on a mailing list I am subscribed to. I don't know who wrote it originally but is extremely funny and it would be a loss not to share 


Kemkem said...

LOL! I love it.. only my situation is completely the opposite! I hate, hate, hate shopping and my husband loves it. I start to whine after 10 minutes. I always encourage him to go by himself.

peach said...

That is truly hilarious!!! Thanks for the giggle.

theBandwidthHog said...

When it comes time to cash out, I like to go through the checkout lane and put up a big bag dog food up on the conveyor so it get's scanned first. Then, when the toilet paper comes up on the belt, pause and ask the cashier "Do you think that will be enough toilet paper for that much dog food?"

P.S. not sure where I heard it, but I do it all the time. It works with dogfood and milk too! My wife absolutely hates it.

Tudor-Virgil Constantin said...

LOL to theBandwidthHog - I don't have the balls to do this with my wife. I might not receive cooked food for a week or two, or might get forced to sleep on the stairways

Ravedogg said...

Oh my freaking gawd... That's a great list! Thanks for sharing :)

jyothsnay said...

Indeed, a fabulous set. thank you for sharing this with everyone

The 13th stands out as a "Pleasantly disruptive move", quite unpredictable

Men squirming about Shopping trips is quite universal a walk around desperately seeking an escape from the turmoil of being on a shopping trip in India too.

Shopping destinations should understand men's plight and plug in "Male-like entertainment spots' to their layout, like Cigars savouring chamber, Gaming,screens playing Football etc.

auberginefleur said...

Hysterical! May I copy? (Will give credit)

Tudor-Virgil Constantin said...

@auberginefleur - of course you can

reyjr said...

It's hilarious! :D
And thanks for the visit and the add to you MyBlogLog. However, I don't think I have a MyBlogLog account.

Linda said...

LOL really funny...may i copy it too? :-)

Peggy Payne said...

Thanks for the laugh, and the visit to MyBlogLog --still haven't quite figured out how that works.

Anonymous said...

Your a little devil, mischievous but funny. Im of Romany blood in Canada and recently recieved your blog in the yahoo-groups
Im Countryrom in the avatars
what did you need to know?

mahal said...

HAHAHA... really made me laugh out loud.. thanks for posting it...

jess said...

That's hilarious! Can I steal it?

Mariah said...

Ha Ha those were real funny. I have them actually posted at my work desk but to actually do them would be even funnier..

Pearlkate's blog said...

Very witty, Lol!

I wish it was true and I would like to congratulate the human who did that.
Unfortunately I am a woman and I sometimes tend to browse, however I hate shopping - I want to go in and go out and not waste my time.

Now though I have some other things I could pracitce in a shop!

Thanks for sharing this. Lol

Mario Lat said...

"Oh's those voices again!" =))

kim said...

ROTFLMAO!!!!!!! This is tooooo hilarious. Thanks.

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